August 17, 2010 14:14

H said...

Being open minded is not a one way thing. Religious people should not look down at less (or none) religious people. And (here is the two way thing) less (or none) religious ppl shouldn't treat religious ppl in a condescending way. Maybe you should take this approach when your arguing about that point again.

Eventually if he sticks to his attitude and your spiritual phase doesn't wear off, you will have to make a choice.

August 17, 2010 16:40

Anonymous said...

men el 2kher, u need to worry about yourself first. There is nothing uncool or wrong with being religious. Ppl spend so many days and hours of their lives thinking and planning trivial stuff but so little thinking about what really matters. Being born into a particular religion isnt enough, that is at least how I understand Islam, as a Moslem. I dnt see how a believer married to a non believer could have a stable life! I know stories of women who are religious married to husbands whom they love and all but are not religious and once there are kids the problem becomes more clear. How will you deal with issues such as teaching your kids praying, fasting, why we shldnt drink, gamble ect.? How will his behavior affect you?
I always say, when getting married the couple need to have the same level of understanding about religion and money. Is religion an important factor in your lives? How do you both view money, is it an end you work towards achieving or just a way to get what you need in life and make your life a little bit better?!!

Last but not least, I never get this need from disbelievers or non religious ppl, especially those from our region to mock those who feel differently about religion. If you do not believe in God or do not believe religion is important good for you but why do you feel the need to mock me and what Im practicing, if you are so convinced that you found the truth!!!

August 17, 2010 23:59

Anonymous said...

Be true to who you are, talk about it with him, tell him about your worries about raising your children in the future. It is important to have open conversations about these things before you get married to ensure that you are both well-suited to each other. It is relatively normal with age for people to gradually become more religious, will this effect the relationship between two people? possibly.

August 18, 2010 04:13

mariam said...

It's great what you are going through, few people can open their hearts enough to a spiritual experience especially nowadays when anything remotely relative to the word "religious" is considerably uncool and frowned upon.  I think what's up with your fiance is that he's too stuck on the connotation of these labels, so maybe you might want to approach this topic from a different angle. It's like they say, a smart woman knows how to convince a man by planting an idea in his head so he thinks its his own, and with these things, the thought and the conviction has to be bred from the self, not the fiancee nor televangelists nor anyone else.  I'm sure your fiance has unresolved questions about life that he's just decided to ignore for now and take care of later when he's older, or worst case, he might just think he can get by not pursuing such answers whatsoever. But trust me, it may be tomorrow, it may be in 70 years, he'll want an answer to his questions.  Another thing, Ramadan is getting more and more commercialized and is becoming less of a spiritual experience, so he may be affected by this matter of fact.  Or ...maybe he's just scared that if he really let down his guards and opened his heart to a spiritual experience, he might turn into a "religious" guy and therefore become less cool or whatever the status quo is these days...Which is not true.  Spiritual is not religious, and honestly, the two are labels at the end of the day that don't truly encompass their meaning.  
Anyways, I don't mean to clutter your mind...but if you really love the guy and believe in him, you should help him identify what is it that bothers him about Ramadan or Islam or spirituality...and take it from there.  Afterall, he may just be going through a phase and his behaviors are merely a scapegoat from a bigger metaphysical dilemma.  
On the other hand...if he gets all defensive about the issue and is convinced of what he's currently doing, then I may want to reconsider my future plans as his fiancee. Once you get married, issues don't float away, they only erupt.  Even if he doesn't want his kids to be practicing muslims, well his kids are going to have to believe in something because believing in nothing, especially at an early stage of life can only complicate a kids life. As a married couple, this gap may also facilitate a lot of problems, cuz your supposed to be a team, a unit that can sustain a family of other beings.  

If you don't talk to him about these things now...they will only mutate into other aspects of your relationship with him and they won't disappear.  So like others have written, do talk about these things with him now, or after you get married, you will have to deal with them on a greater level.

August 21, 2010 08:27

Kaliyan Zulfan Wala said...

thanks !! very helpful post!